The art of permission

At the age of 23, I was given an amazing opportunity to attend an Italian university for 8 months on a scholarship.  But I almost didn’t go. 

Writing those words, I’m somewhat horrified to remember that I seriously considered giving it a miss.  I’d been working in my first full-time job for a year and a half since graduating, and I was worried that giving up work to take up the scholarship might somehow make me unemployable.  My fears circled and spiralled and turned into a conviction that I should probably turn the offer down.

I was in on the phone to my older sister Emma, on the other side of the country, when I confessed these fears.  I can still remember her advice clearly.  She said, so sensibly and reasonably, that there wasn’t one solitary “right” pathway to getting where I wanted to go; that I didn’t need to have everything mapped out right now; and that the next opportunities after this experience would present themselves to me in time.  She was calm and reassuring and encouraged me to do what I truly wanted to do.

I hung up the phone, hugely relieved.  All of a sudden, what I’d nearly convinced myself was impossible seemed possible again.   Eight months being paid to study in Italy? Yes, please! Of course!  So yes, I did go, and it was one of the formative experiences of my young adult life.  I travelled to and set myself up in a town where I didn’t know a soul, experienced the lows - and then highs - of depending solely on myself, deeply immersed myself in Italian language and culture, ate ridiculously good food and made some lasting friendships. And what do you know, at the end of it my fears of being unemployable never came to pass.  It was a great lesson that giving yourself permission to do the thing that your heart truly desires is one of the most powerful things you can do. 

While on that occasion it was someone else that helped me to give myself permission (thank you for this, Emma, always), these days I seek to listen out to what my own “inner sage” is telling me.  If it is telling me strongly about doing “something” but it feels impossible, I aim to give it some time to see if it can also come up with a way I could do that “something” while still aligning with other important parts of my life.  And if still doesn’t seem possible, then how about in six months? Or a year, or two years?

So what about you?  What is your “inner sage” telling you? 

And if you feel like what your heart wants is impossible, could it instead be the case that it is “not yet” possible?  Given time, or a new approach, could it become possible? 

And if so, what could help you to give yourself permission?

These are big questions, and you don’t need to have all the answers yet.  But if you give yourself permission to listen, to explore, to consider different perspectives, you might be surprised by what emerges.  Will 2023 be your year of saying yes?