Why goal setting often fails… and how to make it work for you

Goal setting is an interesting paradox of sorts. There’s plenty of research demonstrating that goal setting works, but I’m sure you’ve also had more experiences than you can count where you set a goal that you didn’t end up achieving. So - does goal setting work or not? My take on this (which I freely admit is a guess, not a robust evidence-based conclusion) is that perhaps in certain contexts goal setting works really well. Or perhaps it works really well for some people. Or perhaps it just works better than not setting goals at all! All that aside, I’m interested in why so much goal setting seems to end in failure, and what we can do to change up this tendency.

So here’s my take on three reasons for why goal setting often fails, and tips that can make it work better for you.

1. The goal is boring and focuses solely on behaviours.

I’d like to talk a little bit here about SMART goals. We’ve had it drilled into us that goals need to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-bound. So what does that get us? “I will exercise 3 times a week for 30 minutes”. The only problem is, for some of us that sounds really boring!! We all know intuitively that we generally focus on getting done the things we are strongly drawn to, rather than the things that sound like chores or must-dos.

Tip for success: Rather than focusing only on behaviours, ask yourself what the outcome is that you really want and what that will give you at its deepest level. Spend some time visualising the result - make your outcome vivid and colourful. Focusing on what the new behaviour will enable for you at a deeper level will help you feel drawn to achieving the goal.

2. We have an initial spurt of energy which then dies out.

This one is really common. We stay focused for a few weeks on doing things differently, but ultimately things start to slide and before we know it, we’re back where we started. This can be incredibly de-motivating and sometimes it feels harder to try again when we know it didn’t work out last time.

Tips for success: To change this tendency, the first thing to know is that willpower alone is not enough! It takes a lot of focus and energy to maintain willpower and in those moments where you’re feeling tired or low, it’s not something you can count on. To maximise your chances of success, think about what achieving that goal will mean for your identity. So - if your goal is to produce art every Saturday, that will make you a practising artist. Then seek out ways to affirm this identity, by connecting with others in that space and shaping your environment to reflect this identity. This could mean joining an artists’ group, revamping the space where you create art or even just changing the clothes that you wear when you’re creating! These types of identity-affirming gestures can give you extra reserves of motivation and energy to draw on, rather than requiring your willpower to do all the heavy lifting.

3. We get discouraged when things don’t go as planned, and simply give up.
This is definitely one I’ve been guilty of… having a plan and some motivation but then hitting a snag and giving up on the plan (“Oh that didn’t work”), sometimes almost without realising it.

Tips for success: The biggest shift in mindset that helped me to counter this tendency was recognising that in the majority of cases, the steps to achieving a goal are not reliably predictable. Instead, it’s far more common that it will be two steps forward, one step back, half a dozen steps off to the side in an interesting dance move that ultimately doesn’t go anywhere - and then some more steps forward. If you can acknowledge this and reframe your plan as a journey or an experiment, you can allow for failures along the way. I’m a big fan of the idea that a failure can be viewed as a plot twist in the journey, or as feedback that provides useful data in the experiment.

So, how about you? Which of these reasons resonates most strongly with you, and what could you take out of this? As always, I encourage you to be curious and play with some of these ideas. Lastly, I love that even thinking about a goal (“contemplation”) is actually a valid and required step towards achieving a goal. Of course, it’s not ALL that’s required, or I’d be sipping prosecco outside my villa right now. But rather than feeling disheartened or guilty about the goals you may not have achieved in the past, why not cut yourself a break today, spend some time in contemplation and celebrate taking a small step towards your goals of the future?