Why this one habit could be the key to unlocking your personal growth

Let me confess right from the start - I'm fascinated by habits, and I love hearing about strategies to change or strengthen habitual behaviours. I have a feeling I'm not alone in this. There's something intrinsically appealing about the idea that if we can change a habit, it might be the start of a whole new future.

But equally, sometimes (or often) we can feel trapped in our habits. Sometimes an attempt to change a habit can feel almost doomed to failure before we start. This can especially be the case if we've tried many times in the past to change a habit without success. We try so hard for a few weeks but eventually our resolve buckles, most commonly during difficult moments. When this happens, we tend to beat ourselves up, blaming ourselves for lack of willpower or the like and often calling ourselves names (yes - you know the ones - stupid, lazy, greedy, crazy... have I missed any out?)

So, do you want to hear the good news? (Actually, make that great news.) The great news is that there is another approach you can take to changing habits, which is both gentler on you and more likely to lead to long-term success. Now I call that a winning combination!

So, what's the secret? Rather than focusing directly on changing the behaviour, cultivate the keystone habit of curiosity. When you see yourself engaging in a behaviour that no longer serves you, don't get mad - get curious! Ask yourself a few questions from a place of curiosity and compassion and see what answers come to you. For example - "Did anything happen just before I did X? What did I experience while doing X? And how am I feeling now?"

That might sound too simple - but the reason it helps is this. To 'stick' in the long term, any change in behaviour needs to be underpinned by a change in mindset.

Our existing mindset has developed over the course of many years. To change our mindset, we need to first understand it better. We need to get curious about what triggers our habitual responses and what the responses give us in the way of rewards. By taking this approach, instead of getting caught up in a blame/shame spiral, we can learn something new about ourselves and "turn bad days into good data" (as Kerry Patterson says in Change Anything).

Once we start to understand these things and become more practised in the art of curiosity, it's amazing the way our creative powers can start to kick in and come up with new questions - as well as new answers - that can lead to insights which help us reframe our mindset to one embracing growth and learning. Just give it a try and you may be surprised by the results!

The great thing about this keystone habit is that you can't fail at it. If you forget to be curious, just do it again whenever you happen to think of it. You don't need to do it every time! Any time you do it, it could be helpful, but it is not a process you need to stick to religiously. It's more about being willing to experiment with an approach which can yield results over time.

The most important thing is to be gentle with yourself and ask your questions in a spirit of learning and discovery. After all... we can only grow by learning and trying new things. Who knows where this might take you?